To Dear Possums, Possum Punks, Possum family, Opossums and possum friends,
Firstly, let me point out I am in full support of community gardens. I think it is a great way to share the love, get to know your neighbours, make friendships and share the organic, homegrown produce, the fruits of our labour. I also fully support and encourage home veggie patches. Nothing compares to the taste of home grown, chemical free, nutritional fruit and vegetables. I would also like to note here, I am all for protecting our native wildlife and supporting their nutritional needs.
However, this brings me to my objections, which there are several. What I object to is this. It would appear that you have been visiting my veggie patch on a nightly basis. Over time, I have observed that your manners are appalling!!!! Understandably, you have a penchant for our luscious, juicy homegrown tomatoes, but you leave half eaten tomatoes, with carefully chiselled teeth marks, all over the ground and on the plants!!! Refer to exhibit A.
You break my tomato plants on a regular basis, trampling all the other vegetables in the process. Finally, it would appear you invite your friends and family around to join in what appears to be a:
Refer exhibit B.
I am tired of picking up the remnants of your drunk and disorderly shenanigans every morning. I am tired of seeing your fuzzy little faces pop up out of the tomato plants each night, clearly gorging yourselves on my beautiful tomatoes and mocking me in the process.
So the question is, what are we going to do about this problem??? My solution is this.
It is almost the end of tomato season, so I propose that we call a truce. I have removed, what is left, of said tomato plants, making room for new veggies in my patch. I intend to meet you back here, (same time, same place), next year when tomato season begins. Next time my plan will be much more ingenious!! There will be boobie traps protecting my very precious patch. It will be fully:
So, until then, please take your “possum party” elsewhere. I bid you farewell.
May the thorns of my beautiful roses prick your tiny pads and may the veggie gardens of Eden give you an enormous stomach ache!!!!
#organic #homegrown #life #wildlife #party #letter #letters