Truth and Denial.

They go hand in hand, like black and white, love and hate, hot and cold, yin and yang. Some of us are good at confronting both, whilst others run and hide, and peek out just occasionally, to get a glimpse of the scary, dark real world. 

   
 

There is a fine line between both, like pleasure and pain, but denying the truth is detrimental to functioning like a normal adult. We can only run and hide from it for so long, before it catches up to us. Oh, and when it does catch up, it is like a tsunami of shame, guilt and anxiety that envelopes us,  taking us down deep,  into that familiar black hole of despair. 

   

 The shame comes from not being able to deal with the problems as they arise. Simple tasks, that most adults deal with on a daily basis. Paying bills, budgeting, making phone calls. Making, keeping and attending appointments.  Keeping in touch with friends. Relatively simple tasks.

But when things get out of hand, that’s when the SHIT really hits the fan!!! This is when the shame, guilt, anxiety and depression start taking over and start affecting the bigger things in life, like work and relationships. 

  
 
The guilt comes from letting myself, my children and my family and friends down.  It comes in giant waves and totally annihilates you. Leaving you at crisis point. 

By now, what started as small, simple tasks, are now giant problems. Because you didn’t pay those bills, you didn’t keep those doctors appointments and you didn’t keep in touch with those friends.  

It goes round and round, like a vicious cycle. It churns you around like a washing machine and then spits you out. If you are lucky, you land upright. Finding yourself in a complete mess. And so begins the process of trying to pick yourself up and attempt to put the pieces of what is left of your life back together.